IBFV Chapter 1

What blue child wears skirts?

Translator: Zenne

Editor: Reya

“I volunteer to become the ‘World’s First Villain Commander-in-chief’ system’s ninety-ninth executioner. I swear to remain forever loyal to the villains and assist them in all of their endeavours, to treat the villain as my sole belief, to offer the entirety of my compassion and energy to the villain, and to start meeting the standard of being his little brother. I swear on the demon, Bai Zhi. Sworn on the fifteenth of August, AD 2000.“ 

The system used its flat, mechanical tone to finish reading the affidavit before its eyes, and spoke in an aloof voice, “Do you understand?”

 Bai Zhi, who had been starving and covered in tattered clothing for several days, rubbed his drooping earlobe and weakly questioned, “Are there things to eat if I understand?” 

“As long as you complete the tasks, not only will you have food to eat, but you’ll also have money to buy clothes to wear. You can even move out of this small hole and live in a luxurious villa. The opportunities are endless!” The system used an undulating tune to read out the impassioned script, and extended its icy, large, iron hands to touch Bai Zhi’s head. “You can also earn the chance to have close contact with villain-Daren¹. It couldn’t possibly be even more profitable, could it?”

Bai Zhi didn’t hear the system speaking at all. His mind was filled with the system repeating ‘money, money, money.’ 

Since he had been rudely awoken from his dreamland seven days ago by a loud racket that had driven him away from his cave-dwelling, Bai Zhi hadn’t had a morsel to eat. He hadn’t been hungry in the past after hibernating for 200 years, but the current rumbling of his stomach could easily be played on an instrument. 

As a great demon, of course Bai Zhi had thought of just taking the easy way out by robbing others for a living, but the first person he met when he walked out of the cave was a large bearded man. He had a fierce looking face and carried a knife used for chopping meat. Bai Zhi was startled by the sound of his knife slamming down and was so frightened by him casting a harsh glance over that his true characters had nearly shown.

The human race is so vicious. This was the first thing Bai Zhi learned after waking up.

“The system’s task is to bring the host to every plane of existence as a being offering his life and being unafraid of difficulties for the villain, receiving a salary when he returns from death. Does the host understand or not?”

The system incessantly chatted on and on. Bai Zhi blinked. He straightforwardly threw out the question he was most concerned about, “Is a salary the same as money?”

The system paused all of a sudden, “Of course. This job is a high salary profession, the Host doesn’t need to worry about money issues at all.”

Bai Zhi’s eyes brightened and he resolutely nodded his head. Although he wasn’t very in touch with human society, he still knew the meaning of the words ‘high salary’. So it turns out, as long as he properly did this machine uncle’s tasks, breaking away from this difficult situation in front of him would simply be easy.

He smiled and stood up, both eyes curved, “I understand. You’re truly a good person.”

For the first time, the system was given the ‘nice guy’² card and short-circuited for two seconds. When it regained its functions, it suddenly became excited and spoke at twice its original speed,“Then we’ll immediately begin a grand scheme to earn money, wildly rushing towards becoming rich!”

Bai Zhi, who had also become invigorated, tightly clenched his fist, shaking his head like a drum-shaped rattle. The system robot clanked its belly open, pointing at its shining belly, “Quickly jump in, we’re going to transmigrate and see Daren!”³

Upon seeing this, Bai Zhi jumped in place twice to warm up. He spat on his hands,⁴ diving headfirst into the system’s large belly.

The system huffed and puffed, moving its galvanized iron belly, and banging down on it with its fist for a bit. The computer programmed voice rang out, “Jumping to a time and place, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1——” 

Bai Zhi’s first world originated in a novel, the female lead of that world was a reborn film empress. In her previous life, her best friend framed her. In this life, using the golden finger of rebirth, she was able to kill the Gods and Buddhas on her way to the pinnacle of life. On the journey, she conveniently gained a big shot boyfriend, it could be said that she’s a winner in life.

In contrast, the original owner of the body that Bai Zhi had transmigrated into was much more tragic. The original owner, who was known as Du Jian, was a famous flower vase⁵ within the entertainment circle. However, it’s not like the original owner was very popular. Du Jian was too much of a weirdo. One, he had no acting skills, two, he didn’t have a powerful backer. His EQ was also very low and he provoked a bunch of people. The female lead hadn’t yet revealed her outstanding talent when he was accused of selling his body for his position. For a while, he became the example of a failure taught to newcomers.

Naturally, Du Jian was angry that he was so miserable. Thus, the foreign system was swindled later on. Du Jian abandoned this body and did not look back, running to go to the holiday space to spread his wings.

And now the one replacing his soul was the demon spirit, Bai Zhi, who was recently appointed.

When the deliverance ended, the lights were somewhat dark and his brain was dizzy. Bai Zhi woke up, strenuously opening his eyes.

“Machine uncle, where is this?”  

“Reporting to the host, this is the hotel where the original Du Jian had been exposed for selling his body to get to his position. The big boss that Du Jian coveted still has five minutes until they reach the battlefield. “

Bai Zhi immediately pursed his eyebrows. Since he had received the plot a moment ago, Bai Zhi already knew that Du Jian was the one to be framed this time. But he had already accumulated rancour for a while and had no behind-the-scenes supporter. When the incident had broken out, it became silent soon afterwards. But now, the one staying in Du Jian’s shell was him, Bai Zhi. As a great demon, couldn’t he handle this matter?

Bai Zhi thought about it, quickly got up from bed, wore his shoes, and ran out of the door.

“Relying on this demon’s speed, breaking away from these insignificant humans is as easy as turning my hand. I’ll now go——”

“After that, you’ll run straight into the boss,” The system voiced.

Bai Zhi, who was running, stopped his movements. He immediately turned around and without fooling around, he opened the window with a bang. It was dark outside of the room, already very late into the night.

“Which floor?”

 The system checked for a few seconds, “The eighteenth floor, there’s a gap in their monitoring.”

Bai Zhi’s eyes suddenly had a smiling expression inside of them, “Understood!”

When he finished saying that, Bai Zhi turned over and leapt out of the window, quietly and steadily landing on the ground. He pulled the hood of his sweatshirt down to cover his forehead, silently leaving the area.

“The alarm is removed,” Bai Zhi was somewhat pleased with himself. “Machine Uncle, let’s go find the villain.”

“I’m not your uncle,” The system was somewhat offended. “You’ve lived for hundreds of years, don’t call people uncle casually.”

“But you seem so old, ah.” Bai Zhi had an innocent look on his face, “It’s like you’ve lived for thousands of years.”

“This appearance of mine is——”

The system’s words came to a stop, and Bai Zhi was somewhat puzzled, “Hm?”

“I bit my tongue,” A certain older machine spoke miserably. “It’s all your fault, go find the villain yourself. I’m going home to fix my tongue.”

“Uncle, you’re gonna abandon this demon?” Bai Zhi slowly lowered his head, “I don’t know the way.”

“Little demons⁶ are just annoying,” The system clicked its tongue, but it wasn’t careful so it once again hurt its tongue. “Huhuhu, don’t shpeak!”⁷

“Oh.” Bai Zhi gave a very small response, walking for a moment before speaking again. “Uncle, how do we find Fang Jingmo?”

Fang Jingmo was this world’s villain. He graduated from drama school and was originally meant to live a smooth life. Unfortunately, he fell in love with the reborn female lead later on. He found exactly what he’s been looking for but failed in getting it, so he successfully blackened later on. Always thinking about how to destroy the world, he finally ended up being a miserable cannon fodder. Bai Zhi just recently signed his name on a contract as the second villain’s brother.⁸ Naturally, he should prevent this situation from happening.

The system reckoned that it was pained enough, it didn’t bicker about how Bai Zhi addressed him for a short while. It just did a ‘ha’⁹ and spoke, “They’re all in the same circle.¹⁰ What’s so hard about finding connections and finding people?”

“Makes sense,” Bai Zhi nodded his head one after another. He finally found Du Jian’s home according to his memories and opened the door to look inside. “This guy’s cave-dwelling is truly small.”

“Now that the house prices are high, it’s regarded as pretty good, okay?” The system was still trembling as it spoke, “Quickly grab an ice bag and put it in the system space.”

Bai Zhi obediently found the refrigerator, closed his eyes and sent the ice bag over, “Is that okay?”

“Pretty good, pretty good.” The system answered a few times and spoke again, “If you dislike this cave-dwelling, hurry up and take care of the villain, and then go and stay at his home. His house is very large.”

“Can a little brother still go and live at his elder brother’s home?” Bai Zhi was somewhat doubtful.

The system snorted, some pride in its tone, “Of course, this system has intensively read the Book of Songs and the Book of History and is very confident in what it says.”

Bai Zhi: “Oh.”

“You listen to me. First, approach the villain, and then find any opportunity to act unafraid of any difficulty for him. After that, go and eat with relish and drink something hot. Little brothers are all, shoot——”

Bai Zhi: “?”

It took a moment for the system’s voice to come through, “I’m leaking electricity.”

Bai Zhi: “…Okay.”

After saying that, Bai Zhi climbed into bed, rubbing himself against the bed, burying himself in the quilts. He tried to find a nice position to lie down well. Suddenly, a ringing vibration came through the side of the pillow. Bai Zhi felt around with his hand and pressed to answer the phone, the agent’s loud voice transferring over in a flash, “Du Jian, what’s going on! Boss Liu hasn’t seen you for so long, where the hell did you go!”

Bai Zhi had a serious face, “I’m returning home, ah.”

“You’re returning home? You said that you’re returning home?” Xu Feng had immediately raised his voice and Bai Zhi silently held his phone further away.

“En,” He answered. “Oh, by the way, can you quickly help me out, Brother Xu, I wanna get acquainted with Fang Jingmo.”

Xu Feng, who was on the other side of the phone, laughed, he was in a better mood, “Du Jian, have you lost your mind, ba? You don’t want the opportunity that’s been given to you, what are you thinking about all day long? Does Fang Jingmo seem like someone you can think about?”

Bai Zhi hung up the phone call with a du.¹¹

“This human told me I’ve lost my mind,” Bai Zhi explained his behaviour.

The system sneered at what it heard, “He’s jealous you can become the villain’s little brother.”

“He also said that Fang Jingmo was someone I couldn’t think about.”

“Bullshit,” The system voiced out. “That Fang Jingmo guy is like our family.”

When Bai Zhi felt that those words weren’t very suitable, the system spoke again, “Quickly take a look at the plot, we’ll go to stop Fang Jingmo at his film set tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Bai Zhi heard what was said and set aside the strangeness in his heart, obediently flipping through¹² inside his mind.

“Did you finally check it?”

“We won’t see him tomorrow, but the plot says that in several days, Fang Jingmo will take on《Night Scene》.”

“He’s playing as the male lead?”

“En.”

“You’re going to play as the female lead.”

“…Ah?” Bai Zhi was muddled.

“Ah, what, ah?” The system drew out a cold breath and paused: “This opportunity to intimately touch must be grabbed. We have to have a good relationship with the villain first, then we can block the knife and carry the black pot¹³ with both hands, understand?”

“I’m uncle system’s blue child,”¹⁴ Bai Zhi blinked.

“Foolish nephew, you can go ask to wear a skirt. It’s simple.”

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1. ‘Daren’ is a title of respect towards superiors.
2. Being met with the ‘nice guy’ card is slang for being rejected since you were labelled a ‘nice guy’.  I put ‘good person’ for what BZ said though because putting ‘nice guy’ seemed a bit… weird?
3. Daren’ is referring to the villain.
4. Not too sure why he spat on his hands, but in the olden days, people would spit on their hands for grip before trying to lift something heavy. Maybe that’s why?
5. A flower vase is someone who’s just a pretty face.
6. Little demon is an endearment for a child.
7. The system is saying ‘don’t speak’ but it bit its tongue hence the odd speaking. 
8. Not very sure of the ‘second villain’s brother’ part.
9. ‘Ha’ as in laughter.
10. The system is talking about the entertainment circle if you were confused. 
11. The ‘du’ is that sound when you end a call, but some phones are different.
12. The plot
13. Carrying a black pot is taking the blame aka being a scapegoat.
14. A blue child is a slang that refers to a cute male.

Zenne: Apologies for any mistakes, I’m still an amateur at Chinese and there were a few things I was confused about. If you have some questions or would like to correct something, go ahead and comment! Also, updates are sporadic but I’ll try to update frequently.

Another thing, Happy New Years! I hope this year is better. And if not, then I won’t mind too much if we have to continue quarantining, hehe.

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